Ch-Ch-Changes

(For those who may not know, the title of this post is in reference to a popular David Bowie song released in 1971, which just verifies the fact that, ouch, I’m getting old.)

Back in the olden days, people used to refer to this middle-aged season of a woman’s life as “The Change.”    In those days, we tried to find acceptable code words for the awkward female moments of life.   Even with a code word like “friend” we would still blush and giggle.  Puberty was known as the “tender years of adolescence”, instead of “pregnant”, a woman was “expecting” and the “post partum period” was known as the “time of confinement”.   Having experienced just a taste of this menopausal phase of life, can I say that calling it “The Change” is the biggest understatement ever?  That’s like calling childbirth a bit of a challenge!   

Change is relative. It can be as simple as using a different brand of shampoo or as drastic as moving your family across the country. Sometimes we are motivated to change and welcome it gladly when the pressures of current, unpleasant circumstances cause us to try something different. But quite often, we don’t instigate change in our lives.  We prefer our now.   But change, like a bolt of lightning crashes in upon us, and we are often left reeling from the attack on our normal.    

According to the dictionary, “change is to become different or undergo alteration. To undergo transformation or transition. To go from one phase to another, as the moon or the seasons.”   Sounds so gentle and serene…ha.

Change is a natural part of life. We can anticipate it, but rarely are we adequately prepared for it.  I believe that generally speaking, women have a harder time adjusting to change than men.  I think that’s because we are wired towards creating a nurturing nest of comfort and care – we like our safe home-base. We’ve worked hard to create it and we resist anyone or anything messing with it. I am one of those moms who has a rather difficult time letting my children move on to the next phase of their lives.  I know that the change is good for them and that it’s all a part of the process of life, but everything inside of me wants just a few more moments of what was. (Can I get an “Amen”?) Finding a new normal, is not easy for anyone to do, least of all, those of us “set in our ways”.  It takes a while to release the old and find stability in the new and by the time we finally get there – BAM – it’s time for yet another ch-ch-change! 

Change can be subtle and go almost undetected, or it can burst onto the scene of your life with fanfare and fireworks – that’s how I view menopause.  Through my “extensive studies”, I have discovered that middle aged women may experience up to thirty-five new symptoms related to their shifting hormones.  Thirty-five!   I won’t list them all here but if you’re interested, you can find a complete description of those symptoms here: http://www.project-aware.org/Experience/symptoms.shtml   If we put our heads together, I bet that we could add thirty-five more to the list.  My point is, this particular change of life is so significantly marked by physical and emotional reminders, it’s no wonder we’re overwhelmed.   Thirty five possible adjustments are a lot to navigate.  I was hoping to cross into my fifties quietly, with grace and decorum but instead I’m dealing with blood, sweat and tears!   (a famous rock band from early 70s.)  As time keeps ticking along, what’s a girl to do?

If I could save time in a bottle...(Croce, ‘73)  Honestly friends, I have no interest in turning back the hands of time and escaping this season.  As I think back to my twenties, I recall the challenges of a new marriage, pregnancy and childbirth and although I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything in the world, going through that season once is plenty for me, thank you very much.  My thirties were a miraculous time of heart transformation, but they held some of the most difficult days of my life and although my forties were relatively easy, I’m not interested in reliving the years I’ve already lived.  You and I were made to move forward, even into the unknown.  We can dig our heels in, and cling to the old but none of our efforts to resist can stop life from marching on.   But friend, I believe we were born to run.  (yes, that ‘s Springsteen)

Perhaps aging gracefully is more about our attitude and perspective and not so much about what it looks or feels like.   We need to remember that change is not evil, it just might be initially uncomfortable.   I firmly believe that we can do this because we were made for it.  I also believe that if we take this journey together, you and me, young and old, encouraging and praying for one another, laughing at the bumps along the way, well, I believe it makes any change in life, a whole lot easier to move through.  So, thanks friends - we need each other! 

Like a bridge over troubled water… just kidding. I won’t go there. 

Moody Blues

Throughout history, women have been known to have distinguishing characteristics that separate her from her male counterpart (and all God’s children said, “Duh”.)   I’d like to discuss one particular attribute that seems especially amplified during certain seasons of a woman’s life and that is her alarming ability to be moody. 

If you were to chart a woman’s moodiness over the course of her life, I believe you would see significant peaks during the three age ranges of 0-2, 11-17, and 45-55.  (I believe I hear male snickering in the background contending that the peak age range is actually 0-100. Boys - be good!)  Please know that I am not basing this on any scientific research – just personal observation.   During the third peak of this feminine trifecta, when hormones take a walk on the wild side, we gals may find ourselves freshly confronted with the challenge of navigating some serious highs and lows. 

It’s important to laugh at ourselves when we overreact - crying one minute because our mailman failed to smile at us, and ranting the next because he forgot to close the mailbox door.  The truth is, many women struggle with more than mere irritability.  I’ve found that generally speaking, if my female friends struggle emotionally, it will either be in the direction of depression or anxiety.   The purpose of this particular blog post is simply to talk about the reality of the “unreasonable” feelings which can seem terribly loud during the perimenopausal phase of life.   Honestly, my hope is that in talking about it, some may find relief in knowing that what your feeling is normal. 

Because of my personality, my tendency is to stress about things, and become anxious inside.  About twenty years ago, because of some difficult circumstances, I went through a significant season of anxious fear marked by daily panic attacks.  During those dark days, I felt like a prisoner inside my own mind and often wondered if I was going crazy.  I’m happy to say that God took me by the hand, led me out of that valley in victory and actually caused me to find a strength and confidence in Him I had never previously known.   I was free of anxiety!   Well…until I turned 50. 

What makes anxiety during perimenopause so frustrating is that we are often unable to connect our reaction to any particular circumstance in life.  Make no mistake, the woman at 50 is typically managing a multitude of stressors in life including aging parents, teenage and young adult children, and she generally has a very busy life.   But didn’t we seem to handle life so much better last year? Now we have anxious feelings and symptoms such as a pounding heart, a rise in blood pressure, shaking, upset stomach and a sense of dread.  Where’d that come from? Part of the reason for this is because of the hormonal fluctuations occurring inside of our bodies such as the rise in Cortisol (the “stress” hormone) which then causes us to feel upset for no apparent reason.  Now please understand that simply because we may have, in part, a biological foundation to our irritability does not in any way give us freedom to sin.   We are however, promised more grace to meet the challenges of those ups and downs. 

I’ve learned that many women honestly feel like they’re going crazy. Some share that they think every physical twinge is potentially terminal.  (Last week, no kidding, I had a white spot on my forearm and I was quickly convinced it was leprosy.  That is, until I washed it off with soap and water!)  Many women have trouble going to sleep, while others have trouble staying asleep because they find it difficult to “turn off” plaguing thoughts.   If this sounds all too familiar, please know that you’re not alone, and what you are feeling isn’t forever.   

There are a few suggested actions that can help you manage those irrational thoughts including:

      1.       Take a deep breath.  Sometimes the irrational feelings are very fleeting – and you simply need a few minutes to get through it.  Blow it off and move on with your day.

     2.       Go for a brisk walk.  

     3.       Prioritize rest in your daily and weekly schedule.

     4.       Eat smart.

     5.       Laugh and talk with friends.

6.     Wash your arms if you have white spots, before condemning yourself to the outer camp.

7.       Massage.  Yes, massage.  I read one research article that stated deep massage can decrease Cortisol in the body by 30% and increase a sense of calm.  I had to try this one out, you know, for the sake of research and I’m here to testify that it works!  

      8.      FINALLY and most importantly – connect with God.   I’m serious.  Take some time to hear what He has to say to you in the midst of this transition of life.   Your whole way of thinking has the potential of being transformed with one word, one encounter, one touch from He who made you and knows what you’re feeling better than anyone else.

Hang in there, friends, and remember: you were created to be a woman of power, of love and of sanity!

“God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  2 Timothy 1:7

Are you what you eat?

I turned 50 on March 1^st of this year, but I consider June 23^rd, 2012 the moment life turned a corner and I entered "the change".  It was a day like any day.  I simply sat down to eat a piece of pizza and a couple of buffalo wings when all of a sudden – “Ow!”  My pizza bit me back.   My mouth was on fire and my tongue felt scorched.  I stopped eating the pizza…and the wings.  And that was only the beginning of the elimination of food items from my typical "young" person's diet of deliciousness.   

The burning tongue stayed with me for a couple of more days before I felt it in my throat and then in my stomach.  Eventually it alleviated enough for me to feel safe to eat something more than crackers and drink something more than milk.   But alas, the burning-tongue event returned in one month’s time which prompted me to get to my doctor.  Her response?  GERD.    

Gastro Esophageal Reflux Disease is another way of saying that my stomach acid doesn’t know enough to stay in my stomach any more.  It bounced up my esophagus and zapped my tongue.   I’ve also discovered through extensive “research” (aka googling) that GERD and Menopause are good buddies.  Great.   Some ladies experience acid indigestion or tremendous heart burn, which can also be symptoms of GERD.  My doc directed me to start taking Prilosec OTC and to get an upper GI done to see if my esophagus has undergone any damage.  So this is life at 50?  I have to take a pill every day!?  And of course, there are the suggested dietary changes… 

Good bye pizza. (sniff, sniff) And wings. And (gasp) coffee.  I tried a cup of coffee once since 6/23 and regretted it almost immediately.  Now I drink a lot of water – not for its nutritional benefit, mind you, but because I’m trying to wash away the acid taste in my mouth.   Through a process of trial and error, I’m slowly learning what food items I should stay away from.  

This is what I’ve come up with:

Foods I can eat/drink: Water. Pretzels. Licorice. (I read somewhere that licorice was good for GERD.)

Foods I should not eat/drink: Everything else.  (including pizza, wings, sausage, bacon, greasy foods, spicy foods, carbohydrates, fruits high in acid, French fries, anything off the McDonald’s menu,  and chocolate!)

I wonder if I would have chosen my meal options more carefully on the evening of June 22^nd, had I known it would be my last “normal” meal. Hmmm…maybe a Whopper with cheese, extra large fries and a Coke?    I suppose I could look at it from a positive perspective.  I hear that things like soft drinks, coffee, and french fries weren’t good for me any way.  Maybe there’s some Master Plan behind this whole thing – a sneaky way to get me to eat and drink healthier.  HEY!  

One other thing I noticed about meals is that because I’m so tentatively trying to figure out what will work or not work – I eat slower, fill up faster and consequently eat about half of the portions I used to.  Sounds like another positive effect I suppose – except for the fact that in the midst of all this transition, my body has decided I need half as many calories simply to maintain my current weight.  What?  How’s that fair?  If I’m going to eat less, then I should be losing poundage!  But that’s the thing about this stage of life my friends, or so I’ve heard.   The weight around my midriff has squatter’s rights.  It has been grandfathered in and won’t be evicted without a serious fight. (aka – serious exercise. ack.) 

So, here we are.  In this season of menopausal transition, change is inevitable.  We can try to resist that change and grow bitter and frustrated, or we can lift our collective glasses of skim milk and say, “To Life!”   Let’s do this.

   

(And pass the Tums.)

Not in Kansas

“I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”   That’s what Dorothy said to her little dog, Toto, when she woke up lost in a whole new world of colorful munchkins.   If I had a little dog, that’s what I’d be saying to him too.   

I’ve never really dreaded turning the corner of any of the major birthday decades.  Turning the “Big 3-0” felt pretty much like turning the big “2-9”, as did turning forty.  No big deal.  I assumed that turning fifty would come and go without much more than an invitation to join AARP and a free Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast coupon.   I took it in stride, assuming that aging was largely mind over matter.   Well, I’m here to say that turning fifty has been more like losing my mind and increasing my matter.   I just didn’t see it coming and clicking my heels like Dorothy did in the Wizard of Oz will not get me out of this – I’ve tried that already.

You know how your car can run great, until the moment it hits 100,000 miles?  I’ve decided that 50-woman years is equal to 100,000 car miles.  Just like a woman at fifty, a car crossing into the 6 digit mile marker is precisely the moment when the sputtering sounds begin,  a few screws come loose, the back wheel starts rattling and the engine overheats.  

When I was a teenager, I went to health class to learn about what to expect during adolescence.  When I was a young woman, I went to childbirth classes to learn about what to expect during pregnancy and labor.  I think I missed the course on how to navigate this part of womanhood.   So, I do what we all do, when we feel in the dark on a subject – I Google.  And I Google a lot.

I’ve discovered there is a condition known as “Perimenopause” and it is awaiting just about every woman heading in the direction of fifty.  It’s a fancy term used to refer to the years of mid-life transition. It’s sometimes marked by the PMS and cramps reminiscent of your teen years, while at the same time giving you a preliminary peak into world of sweaty hot flashes.   Sounds like fun, eh?  Well, there are plenty more surprises awaiting those transitioning years and that is what I’m hoping to discuss in this blog.   

I’d like to make this disclaimer before going any further:   This is written as I personally journey through an unfamiliar season of life, and not from a perspective of having “been there, done that.”    My hope is simply to offer up a few thoughts in “real time” in order that you, my sister, my friend, might find a little hopeful joy in your own journey – regardless of your age.   Please bear in mind that every woman is different, and she will  experience her own set of  symptoms.  Some women hardly notice any change as they sail through their transition, while others believe they’re losing their mind.   We’re all unique, but this truth remains:  there is GRACE available for whatever it is that YOU face today.   And if you’ve already come through the rocky transition into menopause and beyond, please feel free to share your thoughts.  Your younger sisters need you!

In closing, here’s a bit of encouragement that a girlfriend shared with me this past week regarding the many and varied hormonal symptoms I’ve wrestled with recently:  “This too shall pass.  Your body will acclimate to the new normal…eventually.”

There's no place like home "the new normal".