Not in Kansas Any More

Ch-Ch-Changes

(For those who may not know, the title of this post is in reference to a popular David Bowie song released in 1971, which just verifies the fact that, ouch, I’m getting old.)

Back in the olden days, people used to refer to this middle-aged season of a woman’s life as “The Change.”    In those days, we tried to find acceptable code words for the awkward female moments of life.   Even with a code word like “friend” we would still blush and giggle.  Puberty was known as the “tender years of adolescence”, instead of “pregnant”, a woman was “expecting” and the “post partum period” was known as the “time of confinement”.   Having experienced just a taste of this menopausal phase of life, can I say that calling it “The Change” is the biggest understatement ever?  That’s like calling childbirth a bit of a challenge!   

Change is relative. It can be as simple as using a different brand of shampoo or as drastic as moving your family across the country. Sometimes we are motivated to change and welcome it gladly when the pressures of current, unpleasant circumstances cause us to try something different. But quite often, we don’t instigate change in our lives.  We prefer our now.   But change, like a bolt of lightning crashes in upon us, and we are often left reeling from the attack on our normal.    

According to the dictionary, “change is to become different or undergo alteration. To undergo transformation or transition. To go from one phase to another, as the moon or the seasons.”   Sounds so gentle and serene…ha.

Change is a natural part of life. We can anticipate it, but rarely are we adequately prepared for it.  I believe that generally speaking, women have a harder time adjusting to change than men.  I think that’s because we are wired towards creating a nurturing nest of comfort and care – we like our safe home-base. We’ve worked hard to create it and we resist anyone or anything messing with it. I am one of those moms who has a rather difficult time letting my children move on to the next phase of their lives.  I know that the change is good for them and that it’s all a part of the process of life, but everything inside of me wants just a few more moments of what was. (Can I get an “Amen”?) Finding a new normal, is not easy for anyone to do, least of all, those of us “set in our ways”.  It takes a while to release the old and find stability in the new and by the time we finally get there – BAM – it’s time for yet another ch-ch-change! 

Change can be subtle and go almost undetected, or it can burst onto the scene of your life with fanfare and fireworks – that’s how I view menopause.  Through my “extensive studies”, I have discovered that middle aged women may experience up to thirty-five new symptoms related to their shifting hormones.  Thirty-five!   I won’t list them all here but if you’re interested, you can find a complete description of those symptoms here: http://www.project-aware.org/Experience/symptoms.shtml   If we put our heads together, I bet that we could add thirty-five more to the list.  My point is, this particular change of life is so significantly marked by physical and emotional reminders, it’s no wonder we’re overwhelmed.   Thirty five possible adjustments are a lot to navigate.  I was hoping to cross into my fifties quietly, with grace and decorum but instead I’m dealing with blood, sweat and tears!   (a famous rock band from early 70s.)  As time keeps ticking along, what’s a girl to do?

If I could save time in a bottle...(Croce, ‘73)  Honestly friends, I have no interest in turning back the hands of time and escaping this season.  As I think back to my twenties, I recall the challenges of a new marriage, pregnancy and childbirth and although I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything in the world, going through that season once is plenty for me, thank you very much.  My thirties were a miraculous time of heart transformation, but they held some of the most difficult days of my life and although my forties were relatively easy, I’m not interested in reliving the years I’ve already lived.  You and I were made to move forward, even into the unknown.  We can dig our heels in, and cling to the old but none of our efforts to resist can stop life from marching on.   But friend, I believe we were born to run.  (yes, that ‘s Springsteen)

Perhaps aging gracefully is more about our attitude and perspective and not so much about what it looks or feels like.   We need to remember that change is not evil, it just might be initially uncomfortable.   I firmly believe that we can do this because we were made for it.  I also believe that if we take this journey together, you and me, young and old, encouraging and praying for one another, laughing at the bumps along the way, well, I believe it makes any change in life, a whole lot easier to move through.  So, thanks friends - we need each other! 

Like a bridge over troubled water… just kidding. I won’t go there.