Not in Kansas Any More

Moody Blues

Throughout history, women have been known to have distinguishing characteristics that separate her from her male counterpart (and all God’s children said, “Duh”.)   I’d like to discuss one particular attribute that seems especially amplified during certain seasons of a woman’s life and that is her alarming ability to be moody. 

If you were to chart a woman’s moodiness over the course of her life, I believe you would see significant peaks during the three age ranges of 0-2, 11-17, and 45-55.  (I believe I hear male snickering in the background contending that the peak age range is actually 0-100. Boys - be good!)  Please know that I am not basing this on any scientific research – just personal observation.   During the third peak of this feminine trifecta, when hormones take a walk on the wild side, we gals may find ourselves freshly confronted with the challenge of navigating some serious highs and lows. 

It’s important to laugh at ourselves when we overreact - crying one minute because our mailman failed to smile at us, and ranting the next because he forgot to close the mailbox door.  The truth is, many women struggle with more than mere irritability.  I’ve found that generally speaking, if my female friends struggle emotionally, it will either be in the direction of depression or anxiety.   The purpose of this particular blog post is simply to talk about the reality of the “unreasonable” feelings which can seem terribly loud during the perimenopausal phase of life.   Honestly, my hope is that in talking about it, some may find relief in knowing that what your feeling is normal. 

Because of my personality, my tendency is to stress about things, and become anxious inside.  About twenty years ago, because of some difficult circumstances, I went through a significant season of anxious fear marked by daily panic attacks.  During those dark days, I felt like a prisoner inside my own mind and often wondered if I was going crazy.  I’m happy to say that God took me by the hand, led me out of that valley in victory and actually caused me to find a strength and confidence in Him I had never previously known.   I was free of anxiety!   Well…until I turned 50. 

What makes anxiety during perimenopause so frustrating is that we are often unable to connect our reaction to any particular circumstance in life.  Make no mistake, the woman at 50 is typically managing a multitude of stressors in life including aging parents, teenage and young adult children, and she generally has a very busy life.   But didn’t we seem to handle life so much better last year? Now we have anxious feelings and symptoms such as a pounding heart, a rise in blood pressure, shaking, upset stomach and a sense of dread.  Where’d that come from? Part of the reason for this is because of the hormonal fluctuations occurring inside of our bodies such as the rise in Cortisol (the “stress” hormone) which then causes us to feel upset for no apparent reason.  Now please understand that simply because we may have, in part, a biological foundation to our irritability does not in any way give us freedom to sin.   We are however, promised more grace to meet the challenges of those ups and downs. 

I’ve learned that many women honestly feel like they’re going crazy. Some share that they think every physical twinge is potentially terminal.  (Last week, no kidding, I had a white spot on my forearm and I was quickly convinced it was leprosy.  That is, until I washed it off with soap and water!)  Many women have trouble going to sleep, while others have trouble staying asleep because they find it difficult to “turn off” plaguing thoughts.   If this sounds all too familiar, please know that you’re not alone, and what you are feeling isn’t forever.   

There are a few suggested actions that can help you manage those irrational thoughts including:

      1.       Take a deep breath.  Sometimes the irrational feelings are very fleeting – and you simply need a few minutes to get through it.  Blow it off and move on with your day.

     2.       Go for a brisk walk.  

     3.       Prioritize rest in your daily and weekly schedule.

     4.       Eat smart.

     5.       Laugh and talk with friends.

6.     Wash your arms if you have white spots, before condemning yourself to the outer camp.

7.       Massage.  Yes, massage.  I read one research article that stated deep massage can decrease Cortisol in the body by 30% and increase a sense of calm.  I had to try this one out, you know, for the sake of research and I’m here to testify that it works!  

      8.      FINALLY and most importantly – connect with God.   I’m serious.  Take some time to hear what He has to say to you in the midst of this transition of life.   Your whole way of thinking has the potential of being transformed with one word, one encounter, one touch from He who made you and knows what you’re feeling better than anyone else.

Hang in there, friends, and remember: you were created to be a woman of power, of love and of sanity!

“God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  2 Timothy 1:7