Not in Kansas Any More

Are you what you eat?

I turned 50 on March 1^st of this year, but I consider June 23^rd, 2012 the moment life turned a corner and I entered "the change".  It was a day like any day.  I simply sat down to eat a piece of pizza and a couple of buffalo wings when all of a sudden – “Ow!”  My pizza bit me back.   My mouth was on fire and my tongue felt scorched.  I stopped eating the pizza…and the wings.  And that was only the beginning of the elimination of food items from my typical "young" person's diet of deliciousness.   

The burning tongue stayed with me for a couple of more days before I felt it in my throat and then in my stomach.  Eventually it alleviated enough for me to feel safe to eat something more than crackers and drink something more than milk.   But alas, the burning-tongue event returned in one month’s time which prompted me to get to my doctor.  Her response?  GERD.    

Gastro Esophageal Reflux Disease is another way of saying that my stomach acid doesn’t know enough to stay in my stomach any more.  It bounced up my esophagus and zapped my tongue.   I’ve also discovered through extensive “research” (aka googling) that GERD and Menopause are good buddies.  Great.   Some ladies experience acid indigestion or tremendous heart burn, which can also be symptoms of GERD.  My doc directed me to start taking Prilosec OTC and to get an upper GI done to see if my esophagus has undergone any damage.  So this is life at 50?  I have to take a pill every day!?  And of course, there are the suggested dietary changes… 

Good bye pizza. (sniff, sniff) And wings. And (gasp) coffee.  I tried a cup of coffee once since 6/23 and regretted it almost immediately.  Now I drink a lot of water – not for its nutritional benefit, mind you, but because I’m trying to wash away the acid taste in my mouth.   Through a process of trial and error, I’m slowly learning what food items I should stay away from.  

This is what I’ve come up with:

Foods I can eat/drink: Water. Pretzels. Licorice. (I read somewhere that licorice was good for GERD.)

Foods I should not eat/drink: Everything else.  (including pizza, wings, sausage, bacon, greasy foods, spicy foods, carbohydrates, fruits high in acid, French fries, anything off the McDonald’s menu,  and chocolate!)

I wonder if I would have chosen my meal options more carefully on the evening of June 22^nd, had I known it would be my last “normal” meal. Hmmm…maybe a Whopper with cheese, extra large fries and a Coke?    I suppose I could look at it from a positive perspective.  I hear that things like soft drinks, coffee, and french fries weren’t good for me any way.  Maybe there’s some Master Plan behind this whole thing – a sneaky way to get me to eat and drink healthier.  HEY!  

One other thing I noticed about meals is that because I’m so tentatively trying to figure out what will work or not work – I eat slower, fill up faster and consequently eat about half of the portions I used to.  Sounds like another positive effect I suppose – except for the fact that in the midst of all this transition, my body has decided I need half as many calories simply to maintain my current weight.  What?  How’s that fair?  If I’m going to eat less, then I should be losing poundage!  But that’s the thing about this stage of life my friends, or so I’ve heard.   The weight around my midriff has squatter’s rights.  It has been grandfathered in and won’t be evicted without a serious fight. (aka – serious exercise. ack.) 

So, here we are.  In this season of menopausal transition, change is inevitable.  We can try to resist that change and grow bitter and frustrated, or we can lift our collective glasses of skim milk and say, “To Life!”   Let’s do this.

   

(And pass the Tums.)